Happy 5th Anniversary Honey!

Wow, where has the time gone. It seems like just yesterday we were standing in the front of St. Francis Church saying our vows to one another in front of God and everyone.

I still look back and smile on how we made it work this time. So many years of trying and not making it work due to, well shall we say, "differences of opinion". Of course we know will always know who was right and who was wrong in all those situations....LOL!!!!

I'm so grateful that the good Lord above had these plans for us all along. He never gave up on our Love for one another, and thankfully neither did we. I'm so blessed to have you in my life. You make me a better person. I can't see my life w/out you, EVER! Thank you for being my Knight in Shining Armor and our son's biggest idol. Thanks for the last 5 years of wedded bliss, limited drama and for all the love you show me everyday.

Love you Always and Forever,

Your Wife,

Wendy

Alone

Well tonight is awfully quiet at the Ordner household. Caleb has been in bed for a while now and my husband went to a friends house to watch a "must see" football game - Bronco's & Brown's.

I sit here sad to be alone. I had a really bad day and my evening isn't any better. The only things to help me aren't available. I thought that scheduling a hair color and cut would help drown my bad day, but I was wrong. I'm just so stressed out again. How did this happen? I did so well and was on cloud nine for a few weeks now and all the sudden just fell face first into quick sand. I'm irritable, sad, happy, sad, cranky, tearful, sad, and overwhelmed w/ life? Too many questions unanswered, too much heartache and pain. I can't help but cry. What's wrong w/ me?

Is it OK or normal to just sit in a room and cry miserably? How can I fix me? I feel broken again. The worst part of everything is I can't talk to my husband even if he was home. I don't want to burden him w/ my rough times. They happen so often anymore. He has to be getting frustrated w/ them. Does he really understand how I feel or just say he does because he feels it will help me? I don't feel he can fix my emotions. Men don't like crying, it makes them uncomfortable. I just feel like sitting in a dark room by myself listening to my favorite artist and crying my eyes out until I fall asleep.

My life is good, don't get me wrong. I don't want any pity from anyone. I'm just having a really tough go at a couple of things in my life this year and I'm having a hard time dealing w/ it. I used to see myself as a relatively strong woman. Anymore, I feel like a puppet in someone else world. I know I have so much to be grateful for but there just something missing. Something I have no control over and will never have any control over. Let me tell you how hard that is for a control freak!

One thing is for sure, no matter what I have one beautiful, healthy & happy little boy that brings overwhelming joy to my heart. He is growing up so fast I'm afraid he won't need me one day the way I need him. I depend on him. However, until that day he will, unknowingly, help me get through each day of this darkness I'm in. When he is with me I'm happier and everything about my day is manageable.

Emotionless & Numb

I've never been more disappointed in an election, EVER! What is America thinking. I'm so upset I'm nauseous! I hate to think where our country is headed. Let me tell you, if you think times are getting tough now, CONGRATULATIONS AMERICA, you just elected our national downfall of overwhelming inexperience for President of the United States. I'm sick!!

Within the next 4 years don't be shocked when I tell all of you uninformed Obama followers ~ I told you so!

Now I'll go take some Tylenol PM to help aid my uncomfortable evening.....UGH!!!

What an Experience!!!

Well, today is Election Day 2008. I hope everyone got out there and cast their votes! No matter who you vote for it's very important that your opinion is heard (but hopefully you voted for John McCain).

This election will probably be my most memorable one yet. Let it be known that I'm voting REPUBLICAN this year. I got up and got ready to go vote this morning and since it's election day I thought wearing my OBUMMER shirt to show my McCain/Palin support was appropriate. Boy was I wrong. I got attacked verbally as soon as I walked in the door. They said my shirt could be considered "campaigning". They gave me an option to got in the bathroom and turn it inside out (like I was a school student wearing something provocative) or to go home and change or get a jacket on. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

So, needless to say, I voiced my opinion on the spot. I let those old hags know that I was not about to be treated like a school child and turn my shirt inside out!!!! My shirt didn't technically say a candidates name, it was making fun of him, hence, OBUMMER! What happen to Free Speech and Self Expression? It's not like the place was packed and I walked in w/ a gang of people barking out John McCain and holding signs hi expressing our excitement for the election of Senator John McCain to the Presidency of the United States of America!! Not to mention there were only 2 people in there this morning (besides the Old Hags) me and another older lady who would have never noticed my shirt if those old hags wouldn't have said something.

No argument changed their minds and I was made to leave the voting office to go get a jacket to cover up w/. I don't think I have ever been so upset in all my life (when it came to voting) about getting in "trouble" for expressing my views and feelings in an election. I think those old hags were just mad at my shirt because they want Obama to win. Let's face it, this is TTown, it was 7 in the morning, who cares what shirt you wear. I mean seriously, give me a break!

After all of this I sure hope the people of the United States get this right and vote John McCain & Sarah Palin into office today.

Halloween Party 2008

Halloween is always a fun time of year for us. As the years go by we see our little guy growing up so fast. I remember his first Halloween when we dressed him up as Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. Let me tell you how cute he was. Going from that cute to seeing his interest change to the scary, bloody, and terrifying Scream Guy. Fake blood included. He was so happy to get this outfit. To see the excitement in his eyes is worth everything to me. I know he had fun.

You never know who will walk up to your door on Halloween. This year we were honored to have the Republican Candidate, John McCain stop by and talk to us for a bit. What an experience, I hear he's even making a stop at the Republican office this Tuesday evening. So please if you don't get anything else done on Tuesday, please be sure to vote for the only candidate who cares in this election, John McCain!! Every vote counts and we need yours to win! Thanks for stopping by Mr. John McCain, you have our vote on Tuesday!

Last night we were invited to Chris and Christina's house for a Halloween Party. Paige, Jaden, Gage, Calvin and Caleb were all in there costumes and just to good to see. All the little ones had fun playing while all the adults were socializing, eating good soups and foods and talking politics and everyday BS. It was a good time and I'm so glad the whole family came, even my mom and dad stopped by for a while. I just love my family, it just doesn't get any better than what I have!

Things are looking up!

After our PTC a couple of weeks ago I was fairly worried about Caleb being in this High math class. Well w/ a lot of practicing and a phone call to his teacher I feel he will do fine in this class. She is not worried that he won't pass and I know he can do it. We studied for his times test (what he's having the most trouble w/) last week every extra minute we had and he took his test on Friday and only missed 1 out of 80. That's AWESOME Caleb, I couldn't be more proud of you!!!

I think we're on the road to victory in this class. I hope I'm not counting my eggs before they hatch.

Rough PTC

Unfortunately this years 1st quarter didn't go as I had imagined. We got just a slight bump in the rode and I'm not certain yet how we as a family are going to attack it.

Here's the story:

Caleb is doing great in school. His teacher's enjoy him and gets along well w/ everyone. However in one class he seems to really be struggling and just barely keeping his head above water. This would be math class. Now, Caleb is a very good student and tries very hard. He knows what his father and I expect and he really aims to please. Don't get me wrong he has his troubled moments but what child doesn't? Let's face it school is a lot harder now than it was even when Matt & I were in. The State just expects so much out of these student now days, I know I'm just biast(sp).

Sorry, back to his math. His math teacher doesn't seem to even want him in her class. She has been teaching this class for a very long time and I suspect she is very good at it. However, she is terrible at explaining your child's problems to you. She gave Caleb a below average effort because he had a C- at the end of the first quarter. Please, are you serious!!! Wonder if she ever thought "hmmm, maybe he is just not getting what she is talking about". Do you think she called us to let us know that Caleb was struggling - ever, NO. She waits till PTC and lowers the bombshell that we as parents have to help fix. Maybe it's just me, but a little heads up after maybe a few bombed test so Matt & I can keep an eye on how he studies or does his math. UGH!!!

I'm not upset w/ Caleb at all but I do feel sorry for him. Like I said w/ a below average effort he feels like he's letting himself and us both down. I know I need to get a little thicker skin when it comes to Caleb but I'm sorry, I'm his mother and it my job to protect him!!!

Note to Caleb:
I think your doing a great job little man. You keep up the hard work and we'll help you any way we can. Just keep your chin up buddy. We're also VERY proud of you for sticking w/ "high" math for another two weeks to see if you working even harder benefits your grade average. We Love You!!!!

It's Soccer Saturday

Just thought everyone should know that Caleb has a double header soccer game in T-Town this weekend. He is very excited about this for two reason, 1 - he missed last weekends game because we were out of town, 2 - HE LOVES PLAYING SOCCER!!!!

I believe the first game starts at 1pm and the second game will start around 3pm. Hope all who can attend make it to cheer on our awesome little fella!

Toodles :-)

Unbelievable

For the last few days I can't stop smiling. What's going on???

I was getting very used to waking up every morning not caring if I spoke to a single person. Simply not wanting to face my days. I felt like a burden to my husband and an a lot less of a mother to our son. I have never felt this way before in my life, almost like a failure to everyone I knew. Trapped in a dark closet w/ no key to escape. I've been stressed before but never to this extent.

A few weeks ago I started seeing a big change in my attitude on life. I started off w/ waking up every morning w/ a more positive attitude. Then, I got more organized (like I was before) w/ Caleb and all his events (school, serving, sports, ect.). Now this week I can't stop SMILING!!!! I just feel happy inside and out. I'm having a hard time sleeping now because I'm afraid to loose this moment.

I am a very independent person and have a very hard time leaning on anyone for help me but right now I feel more open to the idea. My husband wants so badly for me to lean harder on him & right now I feel like there are some issues (good ones, of course) that I think I'd feel better talking to him about.

So basically, here's to Smiling!!! I really wish everyone at least a day of feeling the way I have all week. I hope the mood I'm in stays for a long time. Good things are coming, I hope!

My Precious Little Caleb!!

My son never seizes to amaze me. Even at nine years old he has the heart and compassion of a 30+ year old. I always look forward to our conversations and our 1 on 1 time when I get home from work each day. No matter how bad a day I'm having Caleb can read me well and fix all troubles w/ his big smile and his warming hugs.

Today, he called me at work to say hi then ask me if I would like to meet his Mema and him for lunch since he had a day off from school. In his next breath he asked for his Aunt Christina phone # so he could call her and ask her if she and Calvin would like to join us. To me this was the sweetest thing he could have done and it makes me know that he thinks about spending extra time w/ me when he can. Although friends and ballgames take priority most times, deep down he proves to me everyday he's my little boy. I love you Caleb.