Tuesday, June 16, 2009

So much on my mind....

Where do I begin? So many things I need to get off my chest. Dealing w/ many different feelings. Feelings such as; sadness, anger, uncertainty, and yes even a little excitement.

This past weekend was a very drama filled weekend for our family. Things that couldn't have been controlled and things that absolutely should have been controlled.

I may never understand how God chooses his next angels. It lately seems to me that he takes so many that bring good to our lives. I know its not for me to understand and everyone has a certain purpose here on earth but why the unborn? As you know we're expecting and w/ that leaves many uncertain thoughts rolling around in your head. Am I doing all I can to ensure the good health of our unborn child? As a mother you constantly worry. You pray for the next kick or hiccup. You don't breath at your sono until you see your baby's heart is still beating!! That's just a good mom, I sure others can relate. Now since the recent loss in our family over the weekend I have more uncertainty in my heart than ever. I'm so afraid that something I can't prevent is going to happen. I can't get it out of my head. I wake up w/ it, I go to bed w/ it. I'm so careful to walk the straight and narrow. I call the Dr. w/ any questions. I've even recommended to my husband that we buy a fetal heart monitor to keep a closer eye on our baby for the next four months. Yes, I'm that paranoid. We've just worked so hard to have this wonderful addition to our family,I couldn't imagine my mental state of mind if anything happened.

I'm also concerned for someone very close to my heart. This person has been forced to handle a situation that is unfortunate for anyone to deal with anytime. The only thing I can do is stand by there side and help pull them through the rough waters that lay ahead.

The excitement that I'm looking forward to is knowing that by this Friday, with the baby's cooperation, we will learn the sex of our Blueberry! This is going to be a wonderful Fathers Day gift for Matt. We are planning on having the immediate family over afterwards to share the good news. Matt and I can't wait. Of course, Caleb is still hoping and praying for a baby brother. However, everyone that I see looks at me and says "I think your having a girl". I've even looked at the Chinese Calender and their results say we're having a girl. Whatever we are blessed with will be heartwarming all we pray for is its good health.

Now that my mind is a little more at ease I'll sound off. In a way I want this week to just fly by but I don't want to wish away the best moments of being pregnant. I pray that both the individuals get through the trying times with their heads held high and know that there are a lot of thoughts and prayers headed their way.


~ Family is the most important thing in life ~

Other things may change us,
but we start and end with FAMILY
~ UNKNOWN ~

1 comment:

Christina said...

Very well put. I've been putting in lots of extra prayers this week for the same intentions.

Can't wait til Friday!!! :-)