A little better today.

Today seems to have started off a little better for me. I didn't feel as groggy this morning as the last few. Hopefully the bigger dosage of meds are helping. When I'm up moving around getting done what needs to be done, it seems I'm like a buzzing bee, but once I sit down I feel a little more drained. Maybe once this new dosage is settle to my system things will be much better. It sucks to have to work when you feel this blah. It's hard to be nice to customers or even have the patience to to deal with co-workers.

I pray by Wednesday I am 100% up to par again. It isn't the best feeling in the world to be grumpy all day when all you feel is overly tired no matter how much sleep you get.

WHY!?!?

Last night was a rough night for our family. Bad news late in the evening nearly broke my heart. There are some instances that you so badly want to pinch yourself and wake up from a nightmare that ends up to stay reality.

I have a wonderful friend, who is ALWAYS there for everyone else, that was told disturbing news yesterday. We all were hoping and praying for a better outcome but unfortunetly it led to a bitter reality check. You never know the reason of why things happen, but I'm so tired of them always happening to people I know that have a heart of gold.

So my ongoing question to bad news is:

WHY!?!?

Special Someone

I want to take a minute and let someone know I'm praying for them. Things may seem rough right now but stay positive (as hard as this may be) and know that you have many people praying for the best.

You are a rock for others all the time, even in your hardest moments. So now let us return the favor. You need to sit back and relax, put your feet up, and take care of you and you alone. Let us handle the rest.

We love you and will do anything you need us to do, if you let us, SO LET US! It's your turn now.

(((((HUGS)))))

Coming along

We've been working non-stop on the babies room this last week. It's so exciting and even more real. How is that possible?!?! Just when I think, OK this makes it real. Then the next thing happens and I think, NO, this make real. Crazy!!!

This past weekend Matt and I chose the color for her room. Which is called Coffee Rose. Kind of a purplie pinkie color. More purple than pink, depends how the sun shines in. Anyway, IT'S GIRLIE!!! Something I'm so not used to being used too.

We also cleaned out closets to make sure she has her very own just like Caleb. On the down side of that was I had to clean out both of Caleb's closets to make room for what Matt and I needed to store. So Caleb now has just one closet full of both summer and winter clothing. Yes, he was a little bummed because his closet was so packed full now. What he doesn't know is that I had to clean out his closets (Get rid of everything I haven't seen him wear in the last 6-8 months). Hopefully I won't have to ever tell him because it is now all at Catholic Charities.

Matt also thought it would be great to build a spare room / computer room downstairs. Even though the way he situated everything looks great and would pass comfortably as a spare room, he is not happy with that. Don't get me wrong, when he is finished it will be perfect, but I just hate seeing him run himself into the ground so badly. This is his busy time of year; working later, side jobs, weekly yard / garden work. His weekends are already few and far between. Plus now he has a deadline to get all the banging done on this new room by November.

Now that we have Princess Blueberry's room painted I can start on the decoration ideas. To me, that's the fun part! So let the fun begin. I have planned a trip up North to visit my sister and I'm sure she can show me a few great shops. I can't wait!!!

So all in all my weekends are filled with fun and memories and Matt's are unfortunately filled with work, work, work.

Thank you Honey, for all your hard work! You are my rock that holds this family together!!!!

So much on my mind....

Where do I begin? So many things I need to get off my chest. Dealing w/ many different feelings. Feelings such as; sadness, anger, uncertainty, and yes even a little excitement.

This past weekend was a very drama filled weekend for our family. Things that couldn't have been controlled and things that absolutely should have been controlled.

I may never understand how God chooses his next angels. It lately seems to me that he takes so many that bring good to our lives. I know its not for me to understand and everyone has a certain purpose here on earth but why the unborn? As you know we're expecting and w/ that leaves many uncertain thoughts rolling around in your head. Am I doing all I can to ensure the good health of our unborn child? As a mother you constantly worry. You pray for the next kick or hiccup. You don't breath at your sono until you see your baby's heart is still beating!! That's just a good mom, I sure others can relate. Now since the recent loss in our family over the weekend I have more uncertainty in my heart than ever. I'm so afraid that something I can't prevent is going to happen. I can't get it out of my head. I wake up w/ it, I go to bed w/ it. I'm so careful to walk the straight and narrow. I call the Dr. w/ any questions. I've even recommended to my husband that we buy a fetal heart monitor to keep a closer eye on our baby for the next four months. Yes, I'm that paranoid. We've just worked so hard to have this wonderful addition to our family,I couldn't imagine my mental state of mind if anything happened.

I'm also concerned for someone very close to my heart. This person has been forced to handle a situation that is unfortunate for anyone to deal with anytime. The only thing I can do is stand by there side and help pull them through the rough waters that lay ahead.

The excitement that I'm looking forward to is knowing that by this Friday, with the baby's cooperation, we will learn the sex of our Blueberry! This is going to be a wonderful Fathers Day gift for Matt. We are planning on having the immediate family over afterwards to share the good news. Matt and I can't wait. Of course, Caleb is still hoping and praying for a baby brother. However, everyone that I see looks at me and says "I think your having a girl". I've even looked at the Chinese Calender and their results say we're having a girl. Whatever we are blessed with will be heartwarming all we pray for is its good health.

Now that my mind is a little more at ease I'll sound off. In a way I want this week to just fly by but I don't want to wish away the best moments of being pregnant. I pray that both the individuals get through the trying times with their heads held high and know that there are a lot of thoughts and prayers headed their way.

~ Family is the most important thing in life ~

Other things may change us,

but we start and end with FAMILY

~ UNKNOWN ~

Happy New Year!!!!

Here's to wishing better days and fulfilling happiness to everyone I know. I have a very optimistic feeling that 2009 will be a very happy year for my family. We had some rough obstacles to climb out of in 2008 and succeeded w/ our heads held high.

I know I will grow from all the memories of 2008 and cherish every minute of 2009. I look forward to watching our little boy mature. I know that will be a bitter sweet time because I'm so used to Caleb needing 110% of my time and support. It will be hard to "let him go" but I know w/ some guidance and good parenting he will turn into a very respectful, strong willed, and happy person.

I have 2 resolutions this year and both I feel will make me a better person. My first resolution is (most traditional) loosing weight and getting back into shape. I don't think I've exercised whole heartily in over a year. I've maintained my weight but I can definitely improve on the tone of my body. Secondly and most importantly I plan on being less stressed over things I can't control. I'm such an organizer/planner and hate when things don't turn out as planned. But I am going to work on taking a deep breath and letting things roll off my shoulder. Just because someone doesn't feel the same way I do or something doesn't go as I planned doesn't mean it's wrong, everyone is allowed to there own opinion and my life is too good to worry about other peoples foolishness. I should enjoy every minute that God has allowed me to make memories w/ my family and friends.

I wish everyone luck and strength w/ all there resolutions and I hope that I can grow from mine.

Here's to a Happy, Healthy, and Fulfilling New Year!

Welcome 2009

I love Comments

I know there are a few people other than Christina & Dawn (thanks girls) that read my blog. I know this because I sort of kind of track it. Plus this morning I had an email from someone who said they read my blog and wanted me to check theirs out. Well I did, buuuutttt, I couldn't read a lick of it. I'm not even sure where they were from. It was a nice blog set up but that's all the further I got.

Now, I'm just worried about identity theft. Weird huh?!? I'm just not to computer literate and afraid that by opening up that email msg then I let some crazy person in on a lot of personal information. I know I'm crazy. Did I screw up by opening that email msg about my blog?

Anyway, what I'm getting at is, if you stop by my blog please let me know by leaving a comment if you have one. I love to hear other people's opinions on some of my moments, the good and the not so good :-)

Thanks for understanding, Have a great day!!!

The Christmas Madness Starts Today

Today is the beginning of my families Christmas Madness!! From this point till Sunday evening we will be rushing around getting ready for each of our families Christmas'. I wish I could plan on spending more time w/ just Matt and Caleb. Does this feeling make me a selfish person? I just don't feel, though we are together through all the family Christmas', that we get to celebrate Christmas "together". We are always looking at the clock making sure we allow ourselves to get to the next event. Where is the Christmas cheer in that?

Here's the list of Christmas events for us this year:
1st, Christmas Eve: My mom and dad's
2nd, Christmas Day: Our house in the morning
Tom & Sue's (for immediate family) by 11:30-12pm
My Gma Millie's (for my dad's side) by 5-5:30pm
3rd, Dec.26th: Back to Tom and Sue's (for Tom's side)
4th, Dec.27th: Matt's cousin Lucy is having a Christmas Wedding
5th, Dec.28th: Over to Angie & Joe's (for Susan's side) at 12pm

Oh, did I mention that I work on Christmas Eve till noon and the 26th from 7:30-5:30pm. Seems like there's no time to breath let alone time to enjoy the holidays when your constantly on the go.

This may not seem like a lot to everyone else but for me, who before I got married, had only 2 Christmas' to attend throughout all my youth years. So this is still a huge adjustment for me. I know you would think after 6 years of this I'd be used to it, but it just seems to get more hard for me as the years go on but I keep smiling and moving through the motions.

Not only do I have a problem w/ being on the go but I feel that Caleb doesn't get to enjoy any of his gifts from Santa because once he unwraps them he's bounced to another location. Christmas is about the children and watching there eyes light up with excitement with every gift they open. How can any appreciation or satisfaction be shown when your just too busy to enjoy everything?

Wish me luck through this busy Christmas Season that I keep my sanity. Merry Christmas everyone!

They Made It!!

Jamaica Bound and Free!

My mom and dad and my aunt and uncle have landed in the beautiful, warm, and sunny Jamaica this afternoon. I'm so jealous =)

My mom and dad have been married for 25 years and haven't been out of the U.S. once. My dad has never been on a plane before. Furthermore, he's barely been out of Illinois. I think he's been as far as Florida - ONCE. So we were a little worried he might get butterflies upon entering the plane and chicken out.

Well he did great! No problems through the flight and they are well on their way to a Fun and Worry Free Week in the land of "NO Problem Man" Jamaica.

I hope they take a lot of pictures so they can prove they were really there =) Wish you the best, be careful, and most of all - HAVE A BLAST!!!

Happy Birthday to ME!!

Well, another year is gone and so much to look back on.

I had a wonderful birthday today. To start my day off I walked into work and found an apple fritter (my favorite doughnut) on my desk w/ a lit candle in the center and my boss sang his version of Happy Birthday. Let's just say it was the version about a monkey, haha.

Then about an hour and a half my delightful mother surprised me w/ a plate full of her famous, melt in your mouth, buttery, delicious pancakes. Your the best mom!! She then stayed to visit for about an hour. While she was there I had a beautiful surprise of flowers delivered to me from Martin's IGA. One bouquet was from my sweet, sweet son, Caleb. The other was from my momma. It really put a smile on my face.

Then my friends Mark and Janet and their daughter Jenny took me out to TGIFridays for lunch....I know your thinking how could I eat so much right.....I like food. I tried something different, Cajun Chicken and Shrimp Pasta w/ Alfredo sauce and red peppers....mmmmm. Lunch was great until we were ready to leave and Janet conveniently reminded our waitress that it was my BIRTHDAY!! So of course they brought out some yummy ice-cream w/ chocolate and Carmel syrup on it and then sang their famous song. Oh the memories.

Then after work my hubby took me out to Puerta Vallerta and had a good meal, where my sweet, sweet son had to let them know it was my birthday and yes, they sang to me there too. I think he did it just for the desert since I was full.

After this long fabulous day we got home and there was one more gift to open from Matthew. As I opened it and read the box I was so excited!!! It was something I've been wanting for a long time now and didn't expect to get for my birthday, maybe Christmas, but not my birthday! I got my CANON Powershot SD890 IS!!!!! I ripped it open and started taking pix of everything; Caleb, my mom, Matt, my cat, the living room - I think you can get my excitement now. Honey your the best! This camera is amazing!!!! Now I can take pix up a storm at all our Christmas get togethers, yaaaa!!! Look out everyone.

Thank you to everyone that called, text, emailed me, and stopped by today. You have all made my day! I haven't been one to be very excited about birthdays in the past few years, it seems to be just another day. However, today was absolutely wonderful and yes, IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME! Everyone who cares about me let me know one way or another and that melts my heart. I have a lot of good people surrounding my life. Thank you all again!

Unbelievable

For the last few days I can't stop smiling. What's going on???

I was getting very used to waking up every morning not caring if I spoke to a single person. Simply not wanting to face my days. I felt like a burden to my husband and an a lot less of a mother to our son. I have never felt this way before in my life, almost like a failure to everyone I knew. Trapped in a dark closet w/ no key to escape. I've been stressed before but never to this extent.

A few weeks ago I started seeing a big change in my attitude on life. I started off w/ waking up every morning w/ a more positive attitude. Then, I got more organized (like I was before) w/ Caleb and all his events (school, serving, sports, ect.). Now this week I can't stop SMILING!!!! I just feel happy inside and out. I'm having a hard time sleeping now because I'm afraid to loose this moment.

I am a very independent person and have a very hard time leaning on anyone for help me but right now I feel more open to the idea. My husband wants so badly for me to lean harder on him & right now I feel like there are some issues (good ones, of course) that I think I'd feel better talking to him about.

So basically, here's to Smiling!!! I really wish everyone at least a day of feeling the way I have all week. I hope the mood I'm in stays for a long time. Good things are coming, I hope!

Better Day...

Today I woke up w/ a much more positive outlook on life. I can't control what everyone else does I just need to find a way to comfortably deal w/ them. I tend to be an over-reactor when it comes to things not going as planned. I'm really going to try very hard in the future to stay relaxed, as long as I'm in the right and Matt and Caleb are in the right, I have no concerns or worries about how or what everyone else is doing or not doing. I just need to find me again and I feel this is where I should start and see where it takes me.

To Better Days Ahead :-)

Time off!!!

I've been looking forward to this week for a very long time! Not only is my S-I-L, Alicia, getting married on Friday but I will have a 4 Day WEEKEND!!!! How exciting it is to have 4 days off in a row and not have any O-O-T plans! I can do what I want, when I want! ;-)

I'm going to soooo love the R & R and all the extra time Caleb and I will have to goof around! Caleb goes back to school in 2 1/2 weeks already and he has spent more time at his grandparents this summer than w/ me because I work. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful that he is w/ his grandparents instead of daycare, but everyday I look at him and wish it was me he could be w/ all summer. I love my job and never want to leave it but Time Off is always something great to look forward too!

This day can't get any better than it will be at 5:30!! Hope everyone has as good a weekend as I do.

Thoughts & Prayers......

I would like to take a minute and send our thoughts and prayers out to the family of Douglas L. Goeckner today and always. They lost a good man in a tragic moment. There are never any words to help w/ the pain someone goes through in an extremely devastating situation such as this. We want Christina, Calvin and the entire Goeckner family to now we are thinking of you. May your hearts be filled with precious memories of the wonderful gift Doug was to your family.

Our deepest sympathy,
The Ordner's

Mema's Boy!

We were lucky enough to spend a day w/ my mom in Springfield. She had a Dr. appt in the afternoon so we thought we would just make a day of it. The weather was great except for the Cotton wood trees that were shedding pollen everywhere. Allergies were horrible because of them. Thank goodness for OTC meds!

First we stopped to get something to eat at Denny's where Caleb just LOVES there chicken fingers that are usually shaped in dinosaurs and fries. Today they took on a star shape, they worked too though. One day I think he is going to turn into a chicken w/ as much as he eats in a weeks time.

Then at Caleb's request we went SHOPPING!!! Just kidding, he'd much rather have a shot in the butt that go shopping w/ me. However, just him being him, he was an angel and didn't complain a bit. He's truly a sweet little boy, I thank God for sharing him w/ me!

After everything was said and done we got home in just the nick of time to make his ballgame that he was very anxious to be at. All in all it was a very relaxing day and extremely enjoyable. I wish we had more time to spend w/ family but we'll take every minute we can get.

Where has the time gone....

It seems like a month of Sunday's since I was last able to update my blog!! Where does the time go. I remember being younger thinking time went by so slow, not anymore! On most days I don't know if I'm coming or going. I spend most of my time at work so when I'm off on the weekend I have very little time to get on the computer because I'm busy havin' w/ the family or cleaning and doing laundry. Basically the usually mom stuff. If I slow down though....I really think I'd be bored....I think I'll wait awhile to find out.

So, tonight, I am going to update my blog if it's the last thing I do! I have a ton of things to share so it may be a two nighter process, we'll just have to see. I look forward to sharing. Talk to you soon!! :-)

Ladies Night Out

This Friday night after work I got to have a real "Ladies Night Out". First I met my mother and Aunt Jeannie at the Tuscany in Effingham after work. This is a very good Italian restaurant that came a few months ago. It was so nice to just sit there and talk "life" to the two that have always been there for me through thick and thin.

My mother is one I can always count on in a pinch w/ any problem, concern, or situation. She has molded me into the woman I am today. We've had many arguments, fights, and restless nights, to get us where we are now. However, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change a thing. I would have never thought 20 years ago I would one day consider her my best friend. We are alike in so many different ways, and no matter what, I know she always has my back.

Aunt Jeannie is my mother's best friend and has been for and eternity. Aunt Jeannie and her husband, Jim, are my godparents. My parents couldn't have had made a wiser choice. She has never judged any of my decisions even when she new it would come back and bite me in the end. No matter what, she always had an open heart and a great shoulder.

After dinner we headed to the mall and watched the movie 'Made of Honor' w/ Patrick Dempsey. It was a good romantic comedy, but doubtful I'll ever watch it again. The ending couldn't be any more obvious, but it was really cute in most parts. It was just so nice to hang out w/ two very important woman in my life. Thank you both for all that you do for me and my family. I Love You dearly!!!